Hidden abuse is hard to recognise

Emotional abuse - the invisible, sneaky offender.

This type of abuse doesn't leave visible bruises or wounds that are easy to spot by you or others, but it sure leaves an impact. One that is felt deeply within those that have been subject to it, sometimes lasting years and years. The effects of emotional abuse can be far reaching and can really impact the direction of someone's life and choices they make.

People often ask "why didn't I see thins coming" or "how could I have been so stupid to let this happen?", but in reality how can you spot something that you can't see and is subtle and sneaky?

Quite often things don't start out this way, let's face it if things were obvious at the beginning most people would be getting help sooner than they do, but it's not. That's what's so difficult and challenging to get your head around and realise. Things creep up slowly. Realising that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship can be a shock and a hard thing to realise. It is a lot to process.

This isn't only exclusive to intimate partners - emotional abuse can happen in all sorts of relationships including from parents.

It's common for the person you thought you were before to have never put up with allowing this to happen to them, thereby leaving the questions mounting of "what's happened to me" and "who am I". This can lead to shame, self blame, confusion, guilt and lack of self worth.

Questions such as " It's my fault" or "I'm difficult to love", " I made them react like that" and many more can go round in your head, trying to excuse and rationalise the behaviour of the other party and find reasonable excuses for things to explain them away.

No matter how much you try the truth is, even if there are complex circumstances - abuse is abuse.

Relationships where emotional abuse is involved are complex and difficult to understand, untangle and also see a way forwards. If this feels like something familiar to you please know as lonely and isolative as it can feel, you're not alone. Many others have experienced similar abuse and with the right support and help have managed to find a way forwards to a life that one that they deserve and long for, not one that is abusive, miserable and unhappy.

Emotional abuse doesn't start with cruelty - that's what makes it so hard to spot. Quite often it starts with what can be seen or felt of as love and affection and it's this that changes over time.

Recognising emotional abuse is the first step toward breaking free from it. If this resonates with you ,even if part of you is still unsure, please know this: all you need to know is that your feelings are valid, your experiences matter, and you don’t have to navigate this alone.

As a counsellor and narcissistic abuse specialist, I support people in untangling the confusion, rebuilding their sense of self, and moving forward with clarity and confidence. If you need a safe space to talk, reach out - I'm here.